Six ways to make people like you
#1: Become genuinely interested in others
- People are interested in themselves - morning, noon, after dinner
- We are interested in others when they are interested in us
#2: Smile
- People who smile tend to … raise better children
- Force yourself to smile in the mirror
#3: Remember person’s name
- Name = sweetest and most important word in any language
- Name = compliment
- Mispel/forget = bad 1st impression
- Napoleon the Third - asked how it’s spelled or asked again, wrote it down, read a few time
#4: Encourage others to speak about themselves
- “Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention”
- Works well in business, but even in family
- Show people you love them by stopping what you’re doing and listening 100%
- To be interesting, be interested in others
#5: Talk in terms of other person’s interests
- Roosevelt had always studied his guests the night before. He found the topic they liked and talked about it with passion (boats)
- “I know how you can make a decent money”
#6: Make the other people feel important and do it sincerely
- “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Jesus in Luke 6:31
- Every day, pay compliment to common people (e.g. nice hair at the post office)
- “The deepest principle in human nature is the crawling to be appreciated” W. James
- “I am sorry to trouble you” or “Would you mind…” or “Thank you”
- Almost anyone is superior to you in some way. Recognise it.
- “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours” Disraeli
How to win people to you way of thinking
#1: The only way to get the best of argument is to avoid it
- Don’t argue with storyteller, it will make him feel uncomfortable
- Don’t be argumentative, avoid it at all cost
- “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still”
- A: You’re competitor is better. B: Sure it is.
- “If you contradict you may achieve victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory. You won’t get your opponent’s good will” Benjamin Franklin
- How to prevent argument?
- Welcome disagreement
- Keep calm
- Control your temper
- Listen first
- Do not disturb
- Admit errors
- Promise to think it over
- Thank them
#2: Show respect for other person’s opinion. Never say “You’re wrong”
- “Be wiser than other people if you can. But do not tell them so” Lord Chesterfield
- “I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts.”
- Benjamin Franklin has stopped using “Certainly, frankly” and replaced it with “Imagine, conceive”
#3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- His story: Policeman only wanted to feel important. By talking first and admitting his fault, Carnegie was shown mercy
- Any fool can defend his mistakes, but only master can admit them
#4: Begin in a friendly way
- “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon” Abraham Lincoln
#5: Get the other person saying “Yes” immediately
- Start by listing what he agrees on and prevent them from saying “No”
- “Don’t you think that…?”
- Socrates method: yes, yes, yes, yes, yes -> conclusion
#6: Let the other person do a great deal of talking
- They know more about their business and problems than you do
- Prepare their list of acknowledgements and let them talk
- “If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you” La Rochefoucauld
#7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
- Make suggestions and let the others do the conclusions
- Nobody likes to be sold, let them buy
- If you’re interested in results, give them even credit for the idea
#8: Try to see things from their point of view
- People may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so.
- “If I were them, how and why would I think what I think?”
#9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
- “I don’t blame you for” or “If I were you, I would feel the same”
- “ I sympathise with you and I know it won’t be easy”
#10: Appeal to the nobler motives
- Everyone has two motives for doing things: real and noble one
- People are honest and want to discharge their obligations
#11: Dramatise your ideas
- Use different subjects to support your speech (throw pennies on the floor, etc.)
#12: Throw down a challenge
- Stimulate competition, but not in money-driven way
- Use the game to prove one’s worth, to excel, to win
Be a leader. How to change people without giving offence
#1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
#2: